Today has been one of the best days in a long time. Mentally, spiritually, experientially. Allow me to explain.
In this post I explained an analogy I learned from Bible school called “the music of the gospel”. Succinctly, if the music is the gospel, we as Christians should respond naturally to the gospel instead of awkwardly (and unnaturally) just doing the actions that we know are right. Just like one might sing or dance or move their body to music, we are to read the Bible, pray, share the Gospel, among many other things. I’ve always grown up knowing the Gospel and knowing the right response, but not actually (or entirely) allowing the Gospel to drive the responses.
For the past few months, I’ve been mentally and spiritually confused and frustrated because I wasn’t sure whether to read or pray regularly since I didn’t always “feel” like doing those things. And I wanted my response to the Gospel to be pure and correctly motivated. So at some points I withheld myself from reading my Bible, and prayer became dreary. I felt like if the Gospel had power in my life, it would change me and motivate me to respond.
At some point in the past couple weeks I just resigned myself to reading my Bible each morning before opening my laptop, a bit sullen that it had to come to that (ie. just doing it because I knew it was good for me).
Today as I was talking to Chris about the balance between God’s sovereignty and His love, I realized something about the role we have in responding the Gospel. Despite flaky emotions that sometimes desire God and sometimes do not desire God, I can desire BY FAITH as an ACT OF THE WILL to read his Word and pray and respond. This is actually both a mental and emotional decision because deep down, I actually have a conviction and desire to love God and his Word.
According to the analogy, by choosing to read God’s Word and praying daily, we are “putting on the headphones” in order to listen to the music of the Gospel. Without listening to the music, I am not able to respond naturally even if I wanted to. I could imagine or think through what I remembered about the music, but there is no substitute for the music itself. I must keep myself regularly reading the Word and praying in anticipation of the work God will do in my life through the power of His Word.
Furthermore, when we listen to the music, we will all respond in varied yet proper ways. Some will dance, some will sing, some will sing differently. However, together the responses are to complement and harmonize each other. There are some things that are common responses, but there are also unique personal responses. Hearing and responding to the music of the Gospel is to be done in community, so that when I lose track of the music, I have the harmonies and melodies of my fellow believers to help me back in. Perhaps, you could say we become intertwined in the music of the Gospel.
This new personal understanding today has now freed me from the frustration and confusion I had before. It doesn’t matter if in the morning I don’t feel like reading the Word: I have a desire and conviction that knows by faith it is good for my soul and it needs to be done. I am not relegating the emotions to the wayside; but instead I am recognizing them, addressing whether the emotions are in line with my faith, and being obedient to what God has called me to nonetheless.
I do find it intriguing that this was clarified for me after I decided to just get back into the Word consistently even without knowing all the answers. God does reward the faithful.