Anybody who’s blogged for a while and kept it up usually has a specific topic they forte on.  And I think what interests me isn’t always what’s on my mind — or at least not just what interests me. I want to think more about what challenges me.  I think there are too many outlets already for ‘more’ information.  I don’t want to be that source.  I want to be a source of challenge and thought.  I want to ask you questions.

Why is it that we are so happy to be inundated with information?  And yet it is getting harder to question the very principles by which we live. And just because we have the ability to know just about anything nowadays, the scary reality is that we don’t know how to deal with it all.

Welcome.

We are the unwise.

Last week I met someone (Courtney) who I knew a lot about through someone else (Mike).  Mike was the medium.  And it still felt necessary for me to ask her the basic questions about who she was, the things she enjoyed, the experiences she’d gone through.  Our communication needed to be relatively unmediated (save for language) in order to bridge a mental connection.  After we met and talked throughout the weekend, things became a reality.  It was experiential.

What do you have to offer to me virtually?

The destination is Vancouver, April 28 PM.

5 hours later I’m glad I did, I was tired.  But I am also feeling like I’m avoiding something… physically or emotionally.  Not sure if I’ve identified it, or if I want to.

I have had my moments, memorable ones such as leading on bass in high school youth group for one song (that was before I knew how to play guitar), playing piano for a worship set with a bunch of youthful talented dreamers called Accounted 4, leading every Friday with Heather for C4C at Guelph for a year, singing at Trevor and Lauren’s wedding, leading in Sudbury which was broadcast over the radio, singing around campfires, leading at various staff trainings and campus days, leading at Priory Park.  It is almost surreal to think back and remember how many people have been affected through that.

Is it a bit unrealistic to say that I would like to do that full-time?  I have a lot to work on, but maybe one day that would be my job.  And it would make me very happy and satisfied.

There are days when I think this is just another passing phase.  However, I remember when I was 14 or 15 and attended a worship conference and Tim Hughes was there — he didn’t do much talking but he directed the whole time with his music and passion.  That was the first time I had heard the song “Blessed Be Your Name” by Matt Redman; since then I’ve had to sing that song with a lot more experience in my belt having had more given and more taken away.

Recently, as in for the past couple months, every single week that I’ve been able to attend church on Sunday I’ve had someone compliment my singing.  One lady came up to me to ask if I could sing at a memorial service (Judy).  A man wanted to sit near me because he enjoyed listening (Victor). Another lady, who has a husband and two kids sitting near the front row, turned to me after service and thanked me (Rose).  Another older lady encouraged me to join the choir (not my cup of tea).

You see, someone in my small group commented on how he needed to prepare himself to be ready for worship on Sunday by playing worship music in the car on the way to church.  He would actively orient himself to God to be prepared once he stepped into the Lord’s house.  I have been consciously doing this a bit more lately and it has helped me to realize that it doesn’t matter who’s around me, that I can sing loud or sing harmonies or just listen to the congregation, and God knows what’s in my heart.  In the end that’s what matters, more than the comments I may get from others.

In January I had cut back from helping out with playing bass for Sunday worship.  I think the time is coming when I return to help out but ask to serve in leading.  We’ll see how that goes and if it is in God’s plan. Maybe this will become more of a reality in the next year.

I find that with a decreased amount of energy and having headaches, I don’t desire to do much.  I gravitate towards mindless activity such as watching some online tv episodes, watching movies, etc.  I don’t usually desire to read.  Or cook anything particularly labour intensive.  What easily results is vegetable soup or cereal and milk.

Some things I crave while being sick: ginger ale (we’ve got lots), my pillow.  I also kind of crave congee but I have no clue how to make it. Maybe I should pay a visit to the Chinese restaurant with the stairs to get some familiar food. Or T&T to get some grass jelly and chrysanthemum juice.

On the upside I’ve been bored enough to do some much-needed paperwork.  Reimbursements, health care forms, etc.  Hooray for money back!