Learning about me
The past couple weeks have been joyful and stressful. I am learning about myself and how I deal with stress. I realized that I always have and am still dealing with a fear of making phone calls. Formal calls to people I don’t know I can do, but when it comes to calling acquaintances and assuming they want to talk to me, it’s tough. I err on the side of thinking people do not want to talk to me. I fear the rejection and the possibility of offending them. I also fear that my poor follow-up after previous projects has caused people to feel like I used them for their money. They don’t know that they’ve truly encouraged me and partnered with me to do great things. And I don’t know how they feel about me at all (whether they feel used or extremely supportive). The unknowns cause me anxiety.
Sometimes perhaps I only put the good stuff here for people to see — the photoshopped pictures, the edited blog posts — and shy away when something tough is going on. Well, I’ve blogrolled 5 times each day and no one else is posting anything that frequently. I sure as heck haven’t, but I think it’s because sometimes I don’t feel like I have anything profound or knowledgeable to enlighten you with. It’s never the most inspiring thing to read about how I believe fully in the call that God has for me towards the campus but I’m still paralyzed and speechless with fear. MPD was never advertised to be easy. I’m fully behind it no matter what it is doing to me, since I know this process will allow God to transform me into somebody four years of university could never have inputted.
In other news (and you can interpret for yourself what makes sense to you): I hope I’m glad Anaheim advanced to the Stanley Cup final to face Ottawa, now I don’t know who to cheer for. I don’t understand why Peter Petrelli didn’t fly when he was about to explode. Chinese Cantonese food really isn’t healthy at all, and I’m not getting my proper nutrients living at home right now (time for supplements). My family went to a garden centre where we bought some perennials (I think they will grow back next year, if we actually bought perennials) and I had the chance to plant the whole front garden (it’s not very big) so hopefully in some time it will be covered in purple and white ground cover flowers. And I’m really interested in the Honda Fit. We may purchase one soon.
May 25th, 2007 at 1:44 am
keep truckin’ through the mpd
May 30th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
ya i was afraid of calling people to follow up for support too this year. but it was like the opposite, where i didn’t want to call people I didn’t know at all really. but i did and it was it a step of faith for me and God provided, and now I’m at 100% support (granted, it’s mere fraction of what you have to raise, but still). oh and you can start anew with good follow up & thank yous this year!